19 January 2013

It's Judah's 10 week birthday, and I'm not only attending but taking photos of the baby shower of the friend of mine who was due 3 days before Judah. I'm not sure how I feel right now but its already been an emotional week so I'd really value your prayers... He was due in 7 weeks 2 days. She just posted how she can't wait to meet her little girl in 7 weeks and it hit me again how close I would have been to meeting our son. My husband reminded me that I'm not going to meet Judah in 7 weeks because I already got to meet him, which helps a little to remember, but doesn't help with the ache of not having him with me still, whether in my arms or womb.


LATER: It's been 10 whole weeks since I gave birth to Judah. Where has time gone? How did we fit so much into such a short time? Where did the strength and energy come from to face everything that we have faced these past 2.5 months? How is it possible to come through the hardest experiences of our lives and marriage and walk away stronger? How do we experience God in a more powerful way than we've ever known Him? All I can say is this: God. If my life is a living testimony of His goodness and His strength it is so that all who see me know that God is good, and loving, and FAITHFUL. Ever so faithful, even when I am not. Even when my heart wants to burst in pain or I question why or I try to control the circumstances that are far beyond my control. Be still, and KNOW that He is God. MY God.