I just had a friend talk to me this week about grieving and posting about Judah (which I don't do very often) when others can't even get pregnant, and it was really hard to hear everything that was said. Hurtful. She's never been in either position. So I'm posting this here. These last few weeks are really, really hard. I had Judah 15 weeks ago today. And I was due to have him two weeks this Monday. Yes, I am SO thankful for my two living kids. More than I can possibly say. But I DO STILL GRIEVE my two that I've lost! And especially when (and I know others of you can relate) you lost another one on top of another, and when the first due date hits, you're not pregnant and have lost two babies already. Please be praying for me through these next two weeks especially. The memorial company is working to have his headstone ready to put down on his due date, which we'd requested, to have something special for that date, but it's still so hard. So hard to wait and trust and not fear that I will never have my own living baby in my arms again. To not fear that I will forever lose babies now. To not fear pregnancy. To remind myself that EVERY baby is worth the pain. Whether it's pain from childbirth or pain from miscarriage/loss. No matter how many times it happens. Such a difficult lesson to learn and remember. Thanks for listening to my heart and tears.
Journal Excerpt:
"Sometimes I wonder if God will take my other two away to help draw me closer to Himself, and it scares me a little, because the pain of losing them would be so great. But then I remember that once more God would give me what I need in that moment to help me through. Not before, and not after. Right then. And I need to not worry about tomorrow's troubles, because it will not change a thing except cause me to miss today's joys."
Judah's Necklace. It reads:
Judah Avishai - Forever in My Heart.
You know who you are. Thank you.
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