28 December 2012 - Struggles and Learning to Trust

I really miss Judah, and am struggling tonight to know he was real, not just a dream in a really bad time in my life... I'd really appreciate prayer if you think of me...


Journal Excerpt:

"And I'm waiting. And praying to trust God with things no matter what. I have no idea if i'll even be able to get pregnant now or ever, or if I'll ever have a pregnancy full-term or alive again. We have known our future son's name (if God grants us another) since 9 November 2012, while sitting in Babies-R-Us parking lot. His name will mean, "God heals" and "Believer in a Gracious God." And if we have a daughter, we may also have her name, too... We will see. God, please let me rest in You. I so much so want another baby, and right away. But, You still know what is best, and I want to trust You with it no matter what. Please lead me and help me trust You."