7 December 2012 - One Month

One month ago today my son passed from this world into eternity. From my womb to Jesus' arms. I still ache for him. My body still misses those movements in my womb. I still cry randomly at the littlest thing because it reminds me of what I've lost. I hug his blanket close and close my eyes and pretend it's him again. Trying to remember. I told Joel last night how I wish so much that I could have Judah back. But then I remembered that to have him back would be selfish on my part. Judah could never be happier, more comfortable, or more loved than where he is now. It makes me think of how I cannot wait to see him, alive, perfect, and wrap my arms around my son some day in Heaven. Until then, I keep asking Jesus to wrap His arms tightly around both Judah and me. He has carried me through the darkest nights and days of my life, and although I look ahead and sometimes wonder, "how?" I know it will be Him that will bring me through the rest of my life - no matter what happens - until He carries me home. I don't have to know the hows and why's, I just need to trust in the One who in His wisdom put me where I am and who knew the entirety of my story before it began. Please hold me now...