3 December 2012 - His Hands

I will never know all the reasons for God taking Judah, but I know that He's been letting me see a few. I can't begin to describe how blessed Joel Christofi and I have been by especially our church family these past three weeks. They have physically stood with us. Hugged us. Prayed with and for us, especially when it was so hard to keep going. Watched our kids. Brought us meals when I couldn't think to do more than care for the kids, let alone make meals. Encouraged us. Sent cards and gifts. Loved us and talked with us. And the list goes on. It makes me cry to see how much they care, and how caring a God I have that He would send so many people to be His hands, feet, and arms around my little family during this time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


Journal Exerpt:

"'How Many Kings' keep playing through my mind... The words to the chorus just hit me when I hear them, and remind me that God KNOWS! And He sent His own Son for me. 'How many fathers gave up their sons for me?' Somehow that eases the sting of losing Judah ever so slightly, knowing that my GOD knows and has been there. And His was voluntary for ME!

I'm ready to be pregnant again. Now. And I would love to have a baby in October. But at the same time I feel so tired of fighting to be in control. Of trying to plan. I want to rest in God's timing, even if it means I will not ever be pregnant again, let alone have a baby (healthy) in October. God, please help me rest in You and remember that it's not worth it to stress and try to figure it all out. Please take my desires to be pregnant again, and trust You no matter what happens. And please take Joel, Rina, and Jonathan and hold them fast. I'm giving them back to You. Part of me honestly fears that You will not take them, too, but as Shawna reminded me, even if I don't give them to You, You can take them. And more than that, I know that whatever You bring me through, You will give me the grace I need for that moment. Even if it means losing my precious husband or/and kids here on earth. Let me walk with my hand in Yours and my grip on my family light, entrusting them to You. Help me, God."





"How many fathers gave up their sons for me? Only One did that for me!" The words to this song struck me as I was listening to it for the first time the other day. God knows what it's like to lose a son... He CHOSE to...for me!