"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end! They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness O Lord." I'm clinging to this promise right now on a day where I'm struggling with physical discomforts on top of feeling my arms ache to have and hold my baby boy... I miss terribly the gentle movements within my womb. the personality that was beginning to show. the excitement over my due date getting closer. Walking through a store and seeing a newborn and feeling the excitement that soon I will have my own again. the feeling of his tiny body in my hands, arms, and on my chest. The smell of his sweet skin. His tiny little chipmunk cheeks that were starting to show. His perfectly and incredibly tiny little hands and feet. The amazing details present in his intricately formed body, which remind me of how much love was placed by God into forming my son. Rina climbing up next to me on the couch, telling me that she wants to feel or kiss "Baby Judah." And so many other things... Yet somehow through this aweful pain and emptiness God keeps reminding me that He's all I need, and He will see me through, even when I can't see or understand myself. And He keeps reminding me as the tears stream down my face that no matter how short my time with Judah was, it was a priceless gift from Him that I would never, for one second, want to give up no matter how much pain I do and will feel from Judah's loss. I still have no idea how I will get through today, or tomorrow, or each day after that, but I will run to and cling with all I am to the One who knows the whys, who loves me just as much as He loves my Judah, whose arms are big enough to hold us both, whose love was strong enough to provide a way for me to be reunited with my son one day, and who will carry me when I cannot go on myself. Please hold me tight, Daddy... I need You.
Photos by SarahJane Photography
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