26 November 2012 - After Thanksgiving

I never thought it would be this hard to return home after Thanksgiving... Yet as we drove home I found myself struggling with the thought of everything to come: trying to get used to a new normal without my Judah in it; a court date to try to get our tenant situation straightened out; renovation work and a move prayerfully in the next few weeks; no Christmas tree or decor because we're moving; no Christmas shopping because that money was used to bury our son. It makes me tear up and long to run away. The pain and darkness seem so strong. But then I find myself thinking even more of the real meaning of this season. A baby. Not much bigger than my Judah. But with a much bigger purpose. Born in a humble stable with rags to cover him. Forget about gifts! Far from home. Born so that one day I could be with my Judah and better yet, my God, to eternity. And I push myself up off the ground. Stand with my face tear stained. Then run to the One who, like Judah, was sent to me, but instead of coming to fill my arms as Judah did, came to fill my aching heart and life as no one else can.