"The day no parent should go through... Today I bury my son. I'm so thankful that he'll be next to Lily [a friends' baby girl]... I have no idea how today will go or how I'll be emotionally, or how my voice will be. I have to trust God through this all.
LATER - God worked things out beautifully for the services today. And I was surprised at the number of people who came - especially church family. I even made it through my song, although wobbly. And the service was so encouraging. Especially the music. It's just hard to believe that it's over now. God even cleared the skies some to allow sunlight to touch Judah's grave at the end. But I'm struggling. Struggling with associating the baby I saw today with the baby I was carrying. Struggling with feeling like I'm living in a dream. Struggling to know how to feel. Up and down and everywhere, and wanting desperately to connect with and grieve the loss of my son. Why is this happening to me" I feel like such a bad mom! Please help me, God, and show me how... Maybe part of it is how crazy things have been, and I haven't had a change to fully grasp let alone grieve."
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